Jul 31, 2004

Just Whistle

Right this very instant my next door neighbor is standing across the street from his house whistling for something. I noticed him doing it while I was sweeping my driveway. (It's my little way of physically recovering from mowing the lawn. Sweeping a broom in a repetitious manner really just helps me decompress from the physical exertion required to mow.)

Anyways...He's still out there doing it. It's like he's calling for someone in the neighborhood and I just know it's not his dogs because they're chained up out back. So the only conclusion I can draw is that he's calling for that young girl I see him with every so often. The blonde skinny one with the dead stare and the cigarettes. And this makes we wonder what kind of girl would come running beckoned by a man's whistle? Where's her dignity? Doesn't women's liberation mean anything to her generation? It's one thing to be whistled at, but quite another to be whistled for. It lets the man be in the one-up position and it's like the girl must supplicate herself to his whistle. Shameful.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so cynical. Maybe...just maybe they're secret lovers. Yes, that feels better, doesn't it? He's older, she's younger. Maybe her parents don't approve so they secretly came up with this caveman-like way to communicate. Or maybe they just want to get together to smoke pot and make out. Who can tell?

Oh! He just stopped whistling. By my watch, that was just about 8 minutes of whistling. I wonder. Did she every show up? I have no idea, but it's social observances like these that make me think I've got to get back to watching General Hospital rather than watching my neighbors.

Jul 24, 2004

Mom's Favorite Scratch Ticket Posted by Hello

Scratch Tickets

My mother has discovered the joys of scratch tickets. This isn't good news at all. Especially for someone who suffers from manic depression.

A niece who visits a beloved aunt (known my my mother at "the munchkin" because she's so small, dainty and cute!) at the nursing home occasionally buys the tickets and recently my mom struck gold with her ticket. Well, gold in the sense that she won twenty bucks. But for someone who is limited by the government to only getting $60/month, twenty is really like $100 to her.

So now my mom is driving me insane with the scratch tickets. I took her out last night to get her hair done and she had another winning scratch ticket in her possession. This time, it was only a $2 winner, but she's thinking big and has high hopes. If she gets two more tickets, maybe she'll win more. At least four times during our trip out to Leicester, she saw gas stations and wanted me to stop to redeem the ticket. I'm like a mother with a 4-year old who keeps wanting candy. She just won't stop until she gets what she wants. And I'm telling you my mother will wear a person down. She should bea criminal interrogator because she will find out the truth. Mulder could learn a thing or two from her.She perseveres, she's dogged, she won't give up until she gets what she wants.

I finally broke down when she exclaimed, "Oh! I bet I can cash the ticket in at C.V.S." This was when my outburst happened. "Mom! Would you stop driving me nuts about your stupid scratch tickets. I don't care!! C.V.S. doesn't sell scratch tickets. I'm not going to a gas station to cash in your ticket. You'll just have to wait." This leaves me sounding like an awful daughter who can't spare five minutes to make her mother happy, but if you only knew the demands I have to undertake with my mother...the relentless requests for stupid things she has to have, the search for just the right bra that only is sold at Sears and they never seem to have her size....she drives me crazy. Saying "No" to the scratch ticket redemption is just my small way of drawing a line in the sand between me and my mom's endless requests.

In the end, my mom did get two more scratch tickets. It just so happened that there was a little convenience store next to the C.V.S. called J & J News that sold lottery tickets. I ended up cashing in her stupid ticket and getting her two more 'Aces High'. When I came outside to hand it to her, she was so damn happy. But as I started walking towards the entrance of C.V.S., I heard her say, "Oh, Shit." I turned around and there were her two scratch tickets blowing across the parking lot. She had dropped them while trying to put them in her back pocket.

You know it all worked out in the end. I ran after them and caught them before they blew out into traffic. Just for today, I am a good daughter.

Jul 17, 2004

Where's The Beef?

Everytime a resident celebrates a birthday at my mom's nursing home, they get to choose a special Birthday lunch. Anything their heart desires--within limits both financially and denture-wise.

Yesterday it was Helen's birthday. Now Helen is a very big woman. There's much of Helen to love and she LOVES to eat! The activity lady asks Helen in front of all the gathered residents waiting for their lunch, "What do you want to eat for your Birthday?" Helen thinks for a moment and starts to recite her wishlist: mashed potatoes, lobster, french fries and an eclair for desert. At which point my mom delightfully shouts out, "Hey Helen, why don't you get a side of Beef?"

Jul 5, 2004

Dept of Public Works vs. The Aliens

Did you ever notice the similarities between crop circles and the Department of Public Works? Crop circles mysteriously show up just like those day-glow orange plastic cones you see out in the street. The DPW goes out into neighborhoods and randomly paints bright orange circles and triangles on pavement never to return again. What do they mean?These random street markings just show up exactly like crop circles. Do you think the city is trying to tell me something just like the aliens?