Aug 5, 2017

10 Oz of Coffee

10 oz. Ruination 
You simply wouldn't believe what 10 ounces of coffee has cost me this week.

Now this picture over here isn't an actual representation of the tumbler of coffee that wrecked my digital life this week.  But rather it's simply a then taken photograph of one of my favorite Hedgehog coffee mugs and some strong ass coffee that I like to occasionally enjoy when I need my coffee to have weird stuff in it like Chicory and Kahlua.  But I digress...

This past Tuesday morning I decided to forgo spending $1.75 for a large cup of work coffee and instead decided to make 10 oz of coffee using my trusty Keurig K-Cup machine and a cheap ass plastic tumbler with my company branded logo emblazoned on it.

I knew it wasn't air tight. Yes, I have an Amaon.com highly consumer rated Contigo coffee tumbler like every other modern professional commuter. And yet, and yet I used the cheap ass Corporate Branded coffee tumbler that had done me wrong before anyway.  I am a terribly stupid woman.

I will never know what possessed me to put the tumbler of coffee in my Dooney & Bourke designer purse before heading into Corporate.  I was carrying too much crap, maybe? My laptop bag is hideously bright, large, heavy and awkward to tote around.  It goes without saying that my purse must be it's twin in size and girth featuring trendy Springtime bright yellow poppies to hold all my other non-business related stuff that my laptop does not contain.

Incidentally, the thought has crossed my mind that maybe I have too much stuff that I carry around with me. Do I just want to be that prepared in all social situations?  (Side note: I love reading my RSS feeds that feature segments called, "What's In My Bag?" because it's interesting to see the things founders of Reddit or Google carry around in their messenger bags. I desire to know what's in their bags that they carry around with them throughout the day because these are the smart people I need to learn from in order to be a more productive person.)

I elevatored up to the fifth floor, put my purse down on my desk and heard...SLOSHING.

[Definition of Sloshing: (of liquid in a container) moving irregularly with a splashing sound.]

Peering inside my purse to find my coffee container had become horizontal wasn't shocking - it was full-on horrific.  Everything and I mean every little thing was  floating and soaked.

Let's take an inventory of ruin, shall we?

  • Kindle PaperWhite
  • Kindle Fire Tablet just recently purchased on Amazon Prime Day simply because it was yellow
  • iPhone 6S Plus that I just paid off two days before and also cancelled the insurance 
  • My beloved Luvcat designer wallet
  • A plastic tube of alcohol hand-sanitizer from Brigham & Women's Hospital that had exploded from the heat of the coffee
  • A copy of my home insurance because my mortgage had recently been sold and I had to deal with some crap about making sure I had enough fire insurance coverage.
  • The black pleather As Seen On TV wallet that held 24 sleeves of alphabetically-organized gift cards, business cards, list of RX medications, etc.
  • My trusty portable charger for my iPhone that had, of course, been fully charged
Did I mention that the red fabric liner of my Dooney & Bourke purse was soaked with all the liquid rolling back and forth?

And what did a supposed tech-savvy lady such as myself do when I pulled out my iPhone and wiped it off with my desk tissues?  I plugged it into the charger on my desk and tried to turn it on. The exact 100% opposite thing you're absolutely not supposed to do when you get your iPhone wet. 

Fortunately, my boss brought over some paper towels to help out with the situation and the first thing I did was berate him for giving me choose-a-sheet paper towels.  WTF, man?  I used them anyways along with all the desk tissues and still there was sloshing that needed to be dealt with post-haste.

I just returned to my purse and tried to decide how to dump out all of that coffee in a way that didn't mess up my desk too much. I emptied my purse of all it's treasures and carefully walked to the ladies room to dump out the coffee in the sink all the while trying not to make eye contact with anyone because I was nearly in tears.

  Here are some of my thoughts as I walked back to my desk:

  • Can you dry clean a Dooney & Bourke purse? Should I even waste my money? The outside of the purse was vinyl so at least that wasn't ruined.  Maybe just stick an air freshener in it and keep the spill a secret.
  • What about my phone?  It's not going to turn on.  Damn it.
  • Did I fry my Kindle(s)?  Why did I have to be carrying two Kindles in my purse?  What is freaking wrong with me?
When one experiences that much pain and personal stupidity, my first reaction is to lament and tell everyone within hearing distance of my personal tragedy.

"Did you try putting your phone in Rice?"
"Go down to the cafeteria and see if they will give you some rice."

Of course I didn't do either of those things. Instead I sat glumly at my desk and kept pressing the power button on my now paid-off iPhone 6S Plus without the insurance protection and hoped the technology gods would take pity on me and by some miracle my iPhone would dry out and turn back on.

But it never did.

To be continued...